by Pat Evert
– The announcement
After 36 years of a wonderful marriage, began a perfect storm in our relationship. It was the last time we had sex. Physical intimacy was how I felt loved, but it made her feel used. Since that time I have had numerous mental/emotional breakdowns. It was my encounter with insanity, literally going crazy. But there is an upside to insanity, it is the doorway to awakening. Her freedom and mine were at such a necessity we were now being catapulted forward on a spiritual journey.
We need to see each other with new eyes, as we truly are. To try and change someone to be what I think they should be is insane. She already is what she should be. She is free and she is here to set me free! I need not seek the approval of others, but rather to love myself more. It takes great courage, to disappoint others for my sake. When I fully accept that we are no longer husband and wife, and that we are friends, then I will be able to know full joy again. I accept what is, I release what was, with a smile. She is sacrificing as much as I or more in all this, all for my freedom. This time of solitude is to learn that I am already whole. She cannot fulfill my identity or happiness. Ego alone needs her, and he can never be satisfied. My true self is already satisfied.
– From caterpillar to butterfly
Pain is the means by which we are transformed. I am on a journey to freedom in truth, contentment in love. There’s nothing like a broken heart to make all things new. A caterpillar must endure a season of isolation before it turns into a butterfly. Embrace the time you have alone, it will only make you stronger. The secret to happiness is accepting change. When I complain I make myself a victim. The universe is leading us into a shift, from that of finding happiness in pleasure to finding it in awakening; from that of pleasure to love.
– Beyond intimacy – Freedom
Letting go of my ideas of love is to welcome a higher and greater love. Being authentic is being me, not what others want me to be. Making authentic choices is doing what I want, not trying to please another. Our butterfly adulthood is being authentic, learning to be ourselves in all our differences. This will involve displeasing others at times. But we have to be true to ourselves. Be yourself rather than what someone else wants you to be, and to accept the other for who they are, not what you want them to be. My journey is one from self pity to self love. I chose to be free from this attachment to her, and she courageously chose to be the bad guy. I am on my way to seeing her for who she is, not an object of pain or pleasure (drug), and to see me for who I am, not who I think I should be (a victim). ‘Nothing is to be clung to as me or mine.’ THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR LOVE. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Conscious breathing or anything done consciously (PMA) raises the vibration (light) of Gaia and those on her. We are light workers. Human relationships are one of the most ingenious things in the universe. You might not get what you want, but you’ll get what you need.
– Beyond freedom – Awakening
If it were easy I would never get to see the strengths and beauties of my soul. Natural eyes can only see that on the surface. What is needed is to see a little deeper and for this you need the eyes of Christ. Do you have the slightest idea who you are? You would laugh if you did. Life is like a puzzle, little by little the picture appears and we see that we have been led along perfectly the whole while. The goal is to awaken to the fact of who I am. I must be in the present moment to see clearly, that is to see from the soul’s perspective. Awakening enables us to spend more time in the soul. The soul is one, not many separate personalities. Here is sane consciousness and contented love, rather than the discontented, fearful insanity of ego. Life, or anyone, isn’t here to make me happy, but to challenge me to awaken. My ego sees it as a hardship to endure rather than a ministry to others. This world is a university in heaven to the soul and a punishment in hell to the ego. Instead of seeing blame and judgment everywhere see the opportunities life affords (unconsciousness vs. conscious). Presence is the enjoyment of yourself and all the paradise that surrounds you. If you’re not enjoying it you are probably healing rather than being present. But at least you are on your way.
Great loss leads to even greater discovery. To lose most everything ego identifies with is to discover my true nature.