The thought comes, “She should be willing to have sex with me once in a blue moon. Or show affection, physical contact on occasion.”
Is it true? No. It is not.
When I believe that lie, I feel she is unfair, unloving and I see her as an enemy. I am bummed and treat her poorly.
Who would I be without the thought? I would be grateful for her and her wonderful influences in my life. I would treat her as the angel she is.
The truth is, “She should not show me affection or physical contact. It would only cause my ego to further hunger for more.”
I should show her all the kindnesses possible, short of physical contact. I already have everything I need. I live in paradise and haven’t even noticed.
The past is gone,
The present is powerful, but transient.
I am willing to no longer have sex, I look forward to missing physical affection again. Thank you for my freedom.
A role reversal – after years of her endurance for my enjoyment,
It is now my opportunity to bring the love, joy and peace.
A re-evaluation – the pleasure received,
Is it worth the effort, imposition and pain?
A lesson from history:
Love without affection, it does exist.
My history demonstrates it, my future calls me to it.
I grew up in a family without hugs or a mention, “I love you.”
So that was what I was looking for in my marriage.
And I had it for years, but only to find it was out of guilt.
Due to societal and religious norms we had sex, and affection.
Once this motive was removed, I’ve moved forward to fraternal friendship, the love of a sister, an equal. Freedom from attachment.
A lesson from Christ:
So for my first years of life was I loved? Absolutely!
Every need was met by love. I lacked nothing.
Now I am shown love in every possible way, except sex.
At first sight it is hard to see the love. Natural eyes can only see what is on the surface.
What is needed is to see a little deeper and for this you need the eyes of Christ.
I am learning to think of others who are in pain like myself,
All my circumstances teach me love when I don’t feel it,
To draw from a deeper well within, a well I was oblivious of.
This deeper seeing, deeper resource comes through grief and loss.
Thank you for the lows in life, that I might experience its best.
To dive even deeper into self-love and
Allow my love to become more unconditional than ever before.