Dying to be Me

by Anita Moorjani  (a summary by Pat Evert)

Anita was born into a Hindu, Indian family and raised in a multi-cultural, multi-religious background. She battled cancer for four years and was in a coma for a day when she died.

As a young woman she broke off a fixed engagement and was shunned by her community. Later she married a wonderful man who allowed her the independence to explore life.

Her best friend and an in-law were dying from cancer when she was diagnosed with stage 2A Limphoma. She did an Indian mode of treatment for six months and was almost completely healed. But was later convinced by other opinions, out of fear, to do Chinese and western medical treatments and quickly went downhill. In its final stages she had numerous lemon-sized tumors and legions all over her body. She lost muscle and body mass and could no longer walk. She was in a wheelchair with the need of oxygen constantly.

One night she went into a coma and swelled up, drowning in her body fluid. She, her soul, awoke that morning feeling great, free of fear and full of energy. It took her a while to understand that she could not communicate with her loved ones. She was outside her lifeless body, more alive and aware than ever. She was expanding into her true magnificence, filling both time and space. She was enveloped, in unconditional love and ecstasy. She communicated with her deceased dad and many friends, but decided to go back into her body that was dying due to organ failures.

Back in her body, her body healed extremely rapidly. In a few weeks the oncologists could find no trace of cancer in her, regardless of all their tests, MRI, lymph biopsy, bone marrow test, and complete body scan. But, the healing was only the beginning. A whole new life had opened up to her. She no longer feared death, pain, income loss or whatever. She no longer wanted to live for the priorities many of us live for. She wanted to be herself. She wanted to enjoy life and no longer live to please others or fulfill their expectations. She sensed that she was unique and at the same time a part of the whole. And she could be her best contribution to the whole by being herself. She lost many old friends and made many new ones due to her new interests. Her husband lost his job because of so much lost time taking care of her and Anita published a book on her Near Death Experience.

In reflection afterwards, FEAR was the cause of her cancer. What she feared most was brought to her. Her healing was not the power of positive thinking, but by loving herself unconditionally and yielding to the flow of life and death. Once she no longer feared or resisted it, she was free from fear, illness and death, free to be herself. Who is she? But a magnificent infinite being who is one with the whole of the conscious, living universe.

Her body became sick because of her soul grieving the loss of its own worth and its identity. If she had known the truth about her infinite magnificence she wouldn’t have gotten cancer. We all need to see ourselves as the perfect souls we are and live life to the full by loving ourselves unconditionally.

If I could summarize why I believe I got cancer, it’s because I never loved myself. It took almost dying of cancer to learn the importance of loving myself!