Heal yourself, reclaim your voice, … by Alexandra Roxo (a summary by Pat Evert)
- My story
Some of life’s traumas I haven’t seen in years. Others echo here and there, yet I have changed my relationship to them, and I no longer fear them. We have the capacity to change our deepest fears, patterns, and neuroses into sources of love and power. I have asked all the pains and traumas to wake me up to exactly who I am today. It has been my pleasure to lead other women in the art of healing and transformation, supporting them to step outside of the status quo and live from an open heart. We are all seeking the same thing: to feel like it’s okay just to be us. I studied Norse shamanism, Peruvian shamanism, Mexican shamanism, indigenous North American medicine, yoga, Kashmiri Shaivist tantra, tantric Buddhism, and neopaganism. Moon rituals and meditating and plant medicine work have been the basis of my spiritual practice during the last period of my life, and they have been a lifeline. I turned within, and I learned to heal myself. I used my voice and my art. I used my body, and I asked for nature’s help. And all of my work has led me to believe that it is time for us to step outside of the patriarchal model of spirituality and into a new era. I want to show you how, through my journey and what I have experienced with people I have worked with. How I overcame the traumas and the pain. How I learned to love my body. How I found relationships that celebrate and nurture me.
The sacred arts of self-healing and of transformation, uncovering your full essence is a radical act. Let me remind you that anything is possible and that you too can live and love the life you already have. To simply accept your experiences, to integrate them, and in doing so to reclaim the energy it was taking to keep them hidden in the shadows, freeing you to live as your full-power you. While some of the work we do together might feel scary, none of it is dangerous. If anything, the aim is to remind you that you’re so powerful, you have no need to fear anything!
- What It Means to Fuck Like a Goddess
Whether you are physically or metaphorically “fucking,” it can mean taking in the energy of creation so deeply that you feel you are making love to your life and that divine creation energy is moving through you.
As for the ‘Goddess’ part, it speaks of the feminine version of God. I feel very passionate about bringing her back into society. Society has taught us, women and feminine beings and any other beings who may be perceived as “other” by the patriarchal power structures, that we are the ones who get fucked. That we can’t really do the fucking, in sex and in life. And this idea has left its imprint on the way we walk through the world, the way we embody the divine, the way we make love to it all. But times have changed. over the past century, the full-spectrum divine is emerging once again to reclaim its place in this physical realm. Women (and men and nonbinary folks alike) are realizing we are now free to use the energy of creation, or sex, which moves through all of us, to create and live lives we truly love.
It is available for you to experience healing through mind-blowing orgasms. It is up to you to own and reclaim those parts from the negative conditioning that religion, society, culture, or even your family has imprinted. Allowing yourself to get to know those parts more deeply, without guilt or shame or fear, is important. Claiming and accepting your own divinity—the fact that you are a direct reflection of source—is it. It is when you get to walk down the street feeling synched with life. Feeling like you belong.
A major piece that I find missing from a lot of wellness and spiritual spaces is talk about real sex—sexuality, desire, the pain of sexual abuse, and inherited sexual trauma. We keep sex hidden in therapists’ rooms, in bedrooms with lights out, under covers and blankets, and behind locked doors. Why? Because of the heaps of shame about sex that we are suffocating under.
As you are experiencing the discomfort that comes with changing and evolving, look to nature to remind you, “Hey, you! This is normal! Just check out the trees shedding their leaves. Maybe that feels uncomfortable for the tree, too!” This connection and correlation feels really fucking good when you’re going through a growth spurt and the growing pains suck.
Journaling can be part of your daily practice. Simply put, because it helps me so much! Money is also a container for you to do what you need to do and have what you need to have. But the truth is that money is energy. It can be love. Let money, and your relationship to it, be a space you heal in, regardless of how much you have.
- Get Real about Where You Are At
I am ready to show up to look at the real shit going on inside me, even when it scares me. Otherwise I’m just going through the motions. The masks come down. I am ready to stop people pleasing!
“Could I embody that much power? That much radiance? The answer is, “Yes. Fuck yes.” It is 100 percent possible. In fact, it is your birthright.The first and most essential part of your process of returning to your authentic nature is acknowledging where you are at and what you’re dealing with. It is only from here that we can begin the process of moving beyond feeling like a victim of our life circumstances, to seeing them as keys to your becoming the divine expression of you that is medicine for the world. The truth is, unless you’re ready to get real about where you’re at, you will just be putting on a facade—and anything that hasn’t been dealt with can creep up at any point to bite you. Any unprocessed pain or trauma that lingers in the darkness of our psyches is always waiting for a moment to pop out. You can see this as an opportunity to face and free that shadow, integrating it into yourself so you feel more whole.
Imagine what the world would be like if we had been taught that beauty was a reflection of how much love and radiance was emanating from a person and not determined by the size of her breasts or waist. It’s important to remember that the way we experience love, sex, beauty, and all it means to be a woman has been programmed into us and that together we must rewrite those tired old stories and make space for new ones!
All the years when, from my subjective view, I felt abandoned and unloved were actually moments where I had to bring to light my divine nature and learn that I was lovable regardless of another human’s love or lack thereof. And when it comes to conditioning, my spiritual practice has led me to believe that we choose our parents and the circumstance of our childhoods to give us the exact cocktail of lessons that are necessary for our own awakening in this life. This means I do not look at myself as a victim of my childhood or trauma.
But I am here to let you know that it’s the most beautiful and noble and generous thing you can do in the world. The path to learning to fuck like a goddess is one that first requires deep work. Showing up. Feeling it all. Getting real. If it was easy and glam, everyone would be doing it! First, we must get to work creating an inner landscape of emotional and spiritual well-being. Turning, again and again, to the inner light of who we truly are.
I have felt like I can handle myself and my problems on my own and so have not let people into my heart. I also grew up with a feast-or-famine mentality around money. What are your blocks to unleashing your full magic? You will find them in the places you get triggered. They are essential to notice without shame or judgment, but simply with awareness. “Dear Fear, I really appreciate you trying to keep me alive. Really! But the truth is, I am 100 percent ready to rise. To transform. To live a grand and beautiful life. To be seen. To shine. And I promise I will take care of myself in the process. If you try to prevent me from shining every time I take a step, I will never grow.” You are not alone in this journey. Thousands, perhaps millions, of people are waking up.
The transformational work; cultivating awareness – I have felt like I can handle myself and my problems on my own and so have not let people into my heart. I also grew up with a feast-or-famine mentality around money. What are your blocks to unleashing your full magic? You will find them in the places you get triggered. They are essential to notice without shame or judgment, but simply with awareness. Fear is crafty as hell. Say to it, “Dear Fear, I really appreciate you trying to keep me alive. Really! But the truth is, I am 100 percent ready to rise. To transform. To live a grand and beautiful life. To be seen. To shine. And I promise I will take care of myself in the process. If you try to prevent me from shining every time I take a step, I will never grow.”
- How to Heal Your Shit
Transforming my shit into gold is the ancient alchemical way laced into my DNA. I know I have spots in me that need to be razed, cleared, transformed, awakened. I am no longer afraid of these tender spots. I see them as vaults of power, waiting to be awakened. I will show up. I will dare to open, Put the time in, and turn it all into gold.
The “I am not good enough” app is competing with the “My voice is not worthy” app, which in turn is vying with the “Am I lovable?” app. “Enough is enough! I am ready to break free of these old-ass stories. I am ready to create new stories and new evidence about my life and myself.”
The Process: Steps to Embodied Transformation
- Feel it – using breath, sounds, and slow movements to literally feel the blocks, the anxieties, and the pains in the body so we can heal and transform them.
- Identify it – next we ask ourselves: “Where is this feeling or block primarily in my body? What is this feeling like.
- Magnify it – We do not attach to them or identify with them; we allow them to transform us from the inside by using big breaths.
- Heal it. Once the feeling has been fully felt, we bring our breath back to a calm pace; we feel into the present, into rest.
- Release it. Finally, we feel ourselves in the here and now, no longer identified with the old memory or belief.
And we allow our pain to open us, instead of close us. In order to reclaim your full potential, all parts of you have to come back online. Nothing can be living in a paralyzed state of fear. This will take time, but slowly you will thaw, soften, and begin to trust life and yourself again. It’s a bold choice. A risky one. But it is this choice that brings bliss beyond our wildest dreams. My healing work with plant medicines like peyote and ayahuasca and psilocybin asked me to sit in my internal wounds and reminded me that I had the courage within me to face my toughest experiences and fears head on. Go into the fears and pains as opposed to avoiding them. I’ve learned that healing and transformation happen in the present, in the body, by facing and feeling our fears—which can be done in the simplest of ways, with breath, presence, awareness, and listening to the heart.
Once I fully understood that this was part of my conditioning, I was able to go further and develop a sense of compassion for myself. And now my abandonment wound has transformed into something else, a gift of knowing love within me, a love that no one can reject but me. And that I love me, wounds and all. This takes time. It’s an art. Each time you feel the old pain, breathe into it instead of trying to avoid it, or fear it, or fix it—and it will shift, you’ll see. It will be uncomfortable at times, but sitting in the fires will strengthen you and help you to blossom in ways nothing else can. We heal the wound by accepting it, forgiving it, and integrating it, until we are finally able to release the struggle around it and simply let it be. Just keep at it, until one day you will feel complete. This is the inner alchemy of turning your shit into gold.
The transformational work; Feel it to heal it – any time that old block came up, any time her wound was triggered, Kate would remind her little girl self: “I am the one in charge. I love you. I accept you. But I am running the show now.” Your life becomes your art, as you see each moment as an opportunity to transform and be reborn through facing the shadows you call to the light. By you opening those closets and airing them out, cleaning them out, you are finding space for more joy, more love, more peace.
- How to Reclaim Your Sexual Power
A woman unafraid of her shadows radiates light. The fact that she has accepted her darkest parts, she has nothing to be afraid of. She doesn’t need you to like her or approve of her. She’s been to the depths of her own hells and back again. She keeps facing the fears and becoming more and more present, radiant, strong. She is you.
The pain, the wounds, and the conditioning that live deep in our shadows are waiting to be called into the light, loved, sat with, held, and invited home. And for myself, and most of us, sex is an area where the shadows run deep. There are many ways sex can be a wound, or a place of shadow for us. As I shared in the last chapter, the only way to overcome our most shadowy fears is to look them straight in the eye, dance with them, breathe them, feel them, allow them to transform, and welcome them home. Most women on this planet have experienced some form of sexual trauma or abuse, big or small, in their lives.
If the conditioning of the Catholic church on my dad’s side wasn’t enough, adding to it the Bible-belt conservatism, the Brazilian sexiness, and the paradoxical nature of it all helped to further instill in me the feeling that sex was something contradictory and problematic for most humans and most religions. Feared! Kept behind closed doors. Not spoken about, with truth and an open heart. What I heard was that being a sexual woman was still something to be ashamed of and that me being free. So I have had to tell myself: It’s okay to be sexual. It’s okay to be powerful. It’s okay to be free. It’s okay to be exactly who you are. And now, if shame arises (which it rarely does), I know to look at it instead of push it away—so that I can make a choice to accept myself, no matter what the world has taught me about what it means to be a sexual woman.
Anytime we open the doors to talk about sex, there is a possibility that shame or pain will arise, as we are dealing with a vault of human experience that has been repressed for millennia, resulting in mass pain and trauma. But does that mean we keep hiding it away? No. In order to heal, we must actually start talking about it—the good, the bad, and the ugly—in safe places and with people we trust. Sexual shame can prevent us from living a healthy sex life, first and foremost, which is one reason to face it. Change begins with awareness. I went with my gut. So go with yours. Feel into what is right for you. Take impeccable care of yourself.
The transformational work; Get real about your sexual past – What is my current relationship to sex? What beliefs around sex did I grow up with? You will need to look at where you are repressing it, suppressing it, or even disavowing it completely. Sit with the experiences that come up, notice any hidden guilt, shame, disgust, and anger that arise. We are going to examine these feelings and in doing so transmute any repressed shadow parts into exalted spaces of love and power.
- How to Come Home to Your Body
To be in this body means to be nature. I surrender to being like a seed that flowers and grows and wilts and is reborn. Like the moon, which wanes from shining in full light… Of one moment shine and the next moment dark. But this is me, in a body, everyday surrender, ups and downs, and I am willing.
From approximately 17.5 million voluntary cosmetic surgeries performed in the US in 2017 (according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons) to $39 billion spent the same year on lingerie worldwide (per Zion Market Research), manipulating, changing, and packaging the female body is a multibillion-dollar industry. According to UNICEF, at least 200 million girls and women alive today in thirty countries have undergone female genital mutilation. And according to the International Labour Organization, 4.8 million people are currently trapped in forced sexual exploitation globally. It all starts in the body. The hands. The heart. The voice. The sex organs. We reclaim all of it. If you’ve struggled with body image issues, disordered eating, body shaming, body dysmorphia, and/or orthorexia. The voice of inner criticism can shrink you down to the size of a pea, silencing the brilliance in you and distracting you from the joy that is available to you in each and every moment—if only you are able to see it.
Over and over and over, I internalized the belief that my worthiness and lovability were contingent on my weight. That is a tough one to undo, and it’s a shadow belief that takes up a lot of mental and emotional space for many humans. I also bought into the collective narrative I had yet to examine, that I must be beautiful and thin to be of value in this world. I quickly recognized that looking good as per society’s standards was a position of privilege. I was clearly looking for love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging. I was never bulimic or anorexic to the point of needing hospitalization or treatment, but my disordered eating gnawed at my soul throughout high school. With Ayahuasca something clicked when I saw my power was about to be unleashed as I no longer looked to the external world to provide me with validation and approval. We will be reclaiming our bodies as spaces for joy, for happiness, for self-love.
Instead of getting mad at yourself for judging and criticizing, just notice. Training yourself to deeply feel again and to trust your body means you regain access to the present. When we live in the past and future—in the head—then we miss all those presents. Love does not live in the head; it lives in the heart. So when we’re not home in our body, we are missing out on love. This work you do for you is truly an act of service to the world.
We can’t fully reclaim our trust and dialogue with our body if we don’t acknowledge the pussy. If you make love without this deeper part of yourself open and in tune, you’ll be making love or fucking on the surface, superficially. From the mind and from the physical body, but not from the soul or spirit or ground of your being. This type of sex may leave you feeling empty, bored, sad, and disillusioned. The reawakening of this sacred portal happens over time. You can’t just plug it in, turn it on, or flip a switch. If you’ve heard it called evil, “too much,” or dirty, it will take practice and patience and healing to bring it back online and undo the conditioning and wounding lying dormant there.
Daily listening. Take five minutes a day to breathe into your cervix and start to attempt to feel it. With energy, feel into the cervix.
Attention. Notice how your heart and your cervix feel when you meet someone you may be interested in romantically.
Sex. Begin listening here. For example, if it is dry down there, dryness may be a signal that the mind is too busy and more presence, breath, and connection are required.
The transformational work; The body – When am I triggered when it comes to my body? What part(s) of my body do I feel shame about? When I feel too big or fat, what do I usually do? Make a time to gather with one or two trusted and close friends whom you feel safe with, with the collective intention to share your stories about your body, your journey with your body, and the comedy and/or tragedy you have perhaps experienced in this life.
- How to Love Like a Goddess
I let myself be loved as I am. Now. Here. With all my wounds open, all my fucked-up bits showing. To tell my soul that there is no need to hide or put a mask on. That I am lovable as is! This is what love feels like. Love that is unconditional.
I witnessed my parents fight with their lovers and battle tragic fallout from their divorces. They have six divorces between them. I also saw their worlds blossom open when they fell in love. We feel the inherent divinity that we are, which seems to surface when we are “in love.” One of my biggest lessons in this lifetime is to stand with men and help heal our collective wounds together instead of seeing them as the enemy. If we don’t process the wounds, each time we go on a date or make love to our spouse, this unspoken pain is like a dark cloud hanging over the scene. And in those moments there is an opportunity to heal, through intimacy. In order to welcome healthy love into my life, I had to face it all. I did not escape into drama, into work or exercise, alcohol or sugar. Though the pain, anxiety, and sadness felt almost unbearable at times, I stuck with it anyway. I expressed it and moved through it. And from this calm place of stillness, you get to choose what kind of love you want—instead of repeating programmed patterns and ways of being that you were conditioned into. This is where love finds freedom.
We can’t look to old models as examples. At this time on the planet we need to create new examples of what relationships can look like, relationships that are as bold and courageous and messy as they are beautiful. Ones that don’t fit the old paradigm, because we no longer fit it either. Seeds are being planted, old views are being overturned, and a new time is dawning for the future of sex and relationships. Perhaps as we are evolving we can make space for relationship— as a sacred vehicle for transformation, a space to transform in, to face our fears in, to see our truth mirrored in. If we can allow for the next phase of our collective growth and see the partner as our sacred mirror, the crucible for our awakening, then imagine the possibilities.
When we are closed to receiving love, it doesn’t matter how wonderful the love is or how beautiful we are—we just can’t feel it. Love wants to move through us. But so often we are stuck in our heads, tripping out on stories about our future or lost deep in the shadows of our past hurts, and we simply do not have the capacity to receive. Ultimately, learning how to deeply feel is how we begin to deeply receive. This is a key part of what I teach. Often the more we can express, the more we loosen and open, and the more space we create for love. It can feel scary and vulnerable, but when the dust of past hurts is cleared and when the heart is open again, it can also feel amazing. Like a return to love.
There is a clear difference between casual sex, where it’s all about the physical act, and an experience where hearts and souls and energy bodies are fully awake and aligned and alive. Does your heart feel full? Do you feel like a radiant piece of divinity? Are you left feeling empowered? Or drained? Casual sex can be conscious sex too, when you are aware of your baggage, your patterns, and your projections and when you are willing to show up, sober, and real, and whole, as you. Then, this moment of authentic connection can be deeply healing. I learned how to have sacred sex with myself, instead of waiting for the next suitor to appear or seeking one out. The truth is, there are one million ways to make love.
Sexual alchemy – When we reveal the truth of who we are in our sexual experiences, it can help to heal and transform us in really deep ways. Instead of shutting down, we experience a type of rebirth. To face whatever shadows and demons your partner may bring and not run for the hills when they open. It is radical, and it is not for the faint of heart. These sexual experiences can be incredibly healing to your self-worth, your self-confidence, your relationship with your body, your voice, and your spirit. They can alchemize your pain into power without doing twenty years of therapy. They can open your heart. Crumble walls. Soften you. And bring massive radiance from within out into the world. This type of lovemaking probably does not look like the kind of sex you see in porn. You can’t control it. You can’t forecast what traumas or pains may rise to the surface. You will probably cry—a lot. And laugh, too! Instead you commit to the confronting clarity of the present and experience whatever is truly there. You must be careful who you share your power with at this point in your journey. Anyone you make love to may become addicted to that feeling of being loved and seen by you.
The transformational work; Receiving and sacred sex – what’s needed is an energetic reset for your system with a big release of the so-called love chemical oxytocin. This creates a softening of a deep part of you. Even if we have internalized shame about masturbation, you can build a sacred solo sex practice:
- Breath will make the difference between a conscious moment and an unconscious moment of habit, pattern, or replaying of conditioning.
- Enjoy. This is not about racing toward the “goal” of orgasm. It is about opening your energetic channels.
You’ll unwind guilt and shame about pleasure and your body, and you’ll begin to experience your pleasure as a divine act, a prayer. It starts with you and your ability to face your conditioning and patterning, release past hurts, and begin to receive the magic of life around you with a renewed openness and clarity. Eventually we stop clinging to one state or another, and we allow them to move through us like flowing waves. It’s all been there when I have faced the tough parts, let go, come through to the other side, softened, and opened to the present moment.
- How to Unleash Your Fullness and Find Your Voice
I can’t keep the wild woman in me hiding for long. She wants to make out passionately! She wants to breathe fire! But where is she now? Let me search my blood, my tears, my orgasms, my prayers, my words— Oh yes! This is where I will find her.
When everything we do is preceded by internal questions of “Is this enough?” or “Is this too much?” we are perpetually in the space of negative self-talk, not claiming our power or accepting the present moment, and cutting ourselves off from love. The internal narratives and dialogues that we engage with all day, every day, not only form our personalities, but they dictate how we serve the world, how we love, how we speak up, and how we claim our power. So for me, my overachieving quality was mostly a compensating one, stemming from the belief that “I am not enough to receive love unless I have achieved something of value.” As you seek personal liberation from these internal narratives, you become unafraid. You are no longer seeking to fix, to change, but simply to be, regardless of whatever is present.
If parts of us trigger or activate shadows in others, it is essentially not our business. We seek to avoid causing others suffering, but not at the expense of ourselves, and not by causing ourselves suffering. I trust my inner guidance that I may discern when I am authentically expressing myself or when I am coming from a story, or needing something. And I also discern when my desire to be boldly expressive may come from the shadow of wanting love, attention or approval. It can feel intense. Scary. Naked. Exposed. I am really going to let everybody see my wild side?! My artistic side?! My sexy side?! My silly side?! The “never enough–ness,” gives us an excuse to never accept ourselves as we are and to become numb to moments of joy. We must not let them lead or win. Stop and say, “No way are you winning! No way are you going to sabotage my power! My expression! My life!” Remember you are enough. Find a way to celebrate who you are today.
You must find a way to love and accept who you are in the moment. Whether you are sad. You show up as you. You throw away what “they” told you to be. What you think you “should” be. If you’ve been through any kind of life lesson or experienced any kind of pain, you have something extremely valuable to say.
The transformational work; Claim the full you – I promise to tell my partner when my feelings are hurt, even if it risks me looking oversensitive. Laughing loudly, Giving compliments to people, Sharing your opinions, Telling someone you love them, Having an extraloud orgasm. You deserve to have an opinion on the world. You deserve to be someone whom others are inspired to be like! It takes practice. You using your voice and risking it being “too much” or “not enough” just may be the exact medicine that the world needs.
- Fuck Like a Goddess No Matter What Life Brings You
I am willing to risk comfort, security, and safety in order to claim my magic. Because my magic is not always to be found in obvious, comfortable places. I am willing to keep risking comfort, in order to keep uncovering this massive magic of mine. And forfeit approval in order to pave new paths and find this Magic.
Now it is up to you to believe that you can fuck life, make love to your reality, like a goddess no matter what. Whether you are broke, sick, angry, or alone, our work together has all been in service of giving you the ability to choose a different story in each and every moment. To embody truth. To embody love. And yes, life will undoubtedly bring traumas and dramas and sickness and heartache. But we can also allow these things to be the catalysts for our internal transformation, to move through us, carving depth into our insides, without breaking us. Either you let the fear voices win and keep you small, or you choose a new story. The fear will come. Remember, it’s just trying to keep you safe. But I’m here to say: You don’t have to let the fear run your life. Cultivate awareness, and of letting fear open you up more instead of keep you small. So you can make love to everything in your life like the divine powerhouse that you are. Give your gifts to the world before you die. Share your love, your heart, your voice, your laugh. Letting it all be the medicine that the world needs. Trusting you are needed. You are here for a reason.
The present moment is the only place from where we can become aware, go against our conditioning, and make a different choice, one that is truly aligned with and in the flow of love. When our minds are busy reliving the past or tripping into the future, we miss the world making love to us now. Yet it’s often the stupid stuff that keeps us in a constant struggle, the little annoyances and so forth that can derail our happiness. But if we surrender to the divine flow of it all, we can often see the gift in it all. It’s no easy feat to move past these, integrate them, and see them for the gold they’ve given us so we can feel good and shine in the world. The pain opens us, deepens us, and allows us to rise into a new space in life, like a phoenix—if we can be brave enough to show up to the fire. I am going to stop avoiding pain, fear or discomfort and allow myself to grow and know myself more, know the divine more, and know love more. This life is a gift to my awakening!
Let’s be real: this may be most of us, most of the time, and that is okay. Because it takes tons of faith to simply trust life and the present moment. After all, many of us have been through some intense shit. Surrendering to life, to nature, and to the greater flow is the opposite of what the patriarchy has taught us. So to stop and say, “Fuck that! I am going to surrender to something bigger than me” is a revolutionary thing to do! Yes, we have a lot of dismantling of systems to go, but it’s happening as each one of us is healing, standing in our power, and reclaiming our voice. The one who is unafraid of her hurt, her anger, and her sadness and therefore unafraid of being exactly who she is in any given moment. And in this, I practice the art of surrender. The art of being vs. doing.
The transformational work; Fuck like a goddess time – Come up with a percentage of time when you feel surrendered and free versus scheduled, driven, and focused. How much of your week is spent in the space of surrender? To totally shift your presence from go go go and do do do mode to simply being. It can be super helpful to schedule one day per week for surrender, to allow the divine in you to emerge and to speak. Taking a luxurious bath. Getting a massage. Giving myself a long and slow self-pleasure practice. Lying in the sun on the beach.
- Conclusion: Why I Have Committed to a Life of Surrender
The to-do lists and goals have been on the forefront of my mind most of this life. The idea of getting somewhere, being something. The notion that I could lie back and let some things come to me while pursuing others with ease, that I could live with an open heart and not also be watching over myself, seemed crazy to me. That the most glorious moments of love and bliss I have experienced in this life have happened when I let go. When I stopped pushing. That means showing up so deeply, so alive, and so unattached to outcomes that it can be fucking scary. It can hurt to feel all the feels. I try to run all the time! we keep opening and evolving into the next level of being on this planet. A level where perhaps we are more divine and less human. More in love and less in fear.