October 2021 – 😊 Suffering brings out, or unhides the Divine within. It leads the way of realization/embodiment. There’s plenty of God to go around… so whatever it is, let it go. Insanity is fear driven discontent. The Upper Room is the Divine presence and perception. Through prolonged suffering I am gaining strength of backbone. Thank you for the opportunity to love more, though the less I am loved. See the mask, and see the love beyond it that has taken on such difficulties

September 2021
😊 Smile! These are all opportunities to let go. ‘I make all things new,’ not by controlling or changing them, but by accepting and seeing them as they are in truth. So love the freedom and love the feeling. A perfect life is not free of suffering, but one of the upper room. To deny that I am God in the flesh is normal unconsciousness, to believe that I am a victim is exaggerated unconsciousness.

August 2021.
Like child birth, pain leads the way. Every night and day I awake a little more to reality. I am constantly being called to live a bigger life. To believe I am not loved is to deny the divine in myself and everyone else. The Divine Self has come as me. The more you see the Divine the more you will be able to let go. To get what ego wants would be such a disappointment.

July 2021.
A toxic relationship is believing that I need that person. The greatest obstacle to conscious manifestation – is the illusion of NEED. Attachment is ego trying to procure an identity for itself. This also is setting me free! To look into the pain and see it as divine. To see it as the healing, the necessary metamorphosis to the new world. I am being asked to participate in my own metamorphosis. I say ‘yes.’

June 2021.
“Everything’s going my way,” is the song of the True Self. I will sit with the discomfort of an affection-free relationship. If I am unhappy, I am unconscious. Liberation comes by seeing your thoughts and claiming truth. What if I could be your friend wanting nothing from you? You have given me so many opportunities to love. When feeling discontent, or like your settling, know everything is perfect for the soul and as far as ego is concerned, What if, it doesn’t matter? 

May 2021.
The courage and compassion born in the hearts of the suffering is inestimable, such is our contribution to humanity. We are all heros. I am consciously content. It’s not just a feeling, it’s who I am. This is not a quick fix, but a life-long awakening/healing. I can never go wrong in following my true self. Separation is an illusion. I cannot be a victim. We’re going for depth and maturity now, lots and lots of pain. 

April 2021.
We are releasing our fear and judgment of one another. The true self is us all, perfect and unified. I am free … of my point of view. Free of defensiveness, free to love, free to lift. To see through the eyes of God is to see that all is God. Aligning to the true self is disidentifying with the small self, relaxing resistance, and loving the small self. Your greatest gift to me, one of distance, has been the least appreciated. But I am learning to.

March 2021.
Ego seeks progress, the true self sees the inherent divine. Ego sees itself as needy and undesirable. Is there the smile of a pioneer… or the whine of a victim? It’s as simple as a smile. I love you as you are, your unimprovable self. To see Christ in you is infinite possibilities. The unconscious, unobserved mind makes me unhappy. I am free of dysfunctional thought. Thank you for every opportunity to feel love, even when it feels unpleasant.

February 2021.
You are in the perfect place and opportunity to learn who you are and be liberated from the past. For your soul’s growth to commence in beauty, release that which is no longer needed. Seeing Christ is a practice, every day, every moment.
This is my life and I’m going to live every minute of it. Are we getting out of life everything we wanted? Absolutely! You are doing so well! Much better than you think.

January 2021.
We are free of the ego trance. Everything is love, bringing me more awareness and healing. The crucifixion of Christ was not to forgive sins, but to give him the opportunity to see the love of God in everything, even the most unjust, unconscious of acts. This was probably the final step for the dismantling of ego for Him to realize the true self. She is giving me yet a bigger opportunity to be, to see and to love. Everything seems so important, but they are not. Am I happy? Take a step back. I, my true self, am. My ego is not. Living in illusion, every one of us is only a step away from absolute fulfillment, because we are that fullness.

December 2020
When I see that we are all One (love), I crave nothing, I fear nothing. I am free. This life of consciousness is as simple as breathing. If I do nothing it happens anyway. I can love myself. It is just as valid as someone else loving me, even more so. Unhappiness is unconsciousness, while contentment is conscious.

November 2020
I am not here primarily to enjoy life, but to content myself in its difficulties. The upper room is not to get what I/ego wants, but what is required for all. It’s not to fix our circumstances, but to fix our perspective in our circumstances. To see they are all love. Life is constantly offering me more love. Am I aware of it? Open to it, receive it without any story. The story will only close your heart to it. 

October 2020
The soul will never turn down an opportunity to grow. Who you truly are is a thousand times better than what I want you to be. If I cannot be content in myself, I cannot be content with any other. You might not enjoy it as much as you desire it. Today I detach from her. I detach from who I want to be, so I can realize my true nature.

September 2020
I don’t need affection. I need to be free from thinking I need it. I release the mental image of who I am, so I can realize who I am. I am consciously content.
To transform something 1) I take responsibility for my part in it, 2) I love it and 3) I see the divine in it to lift it to the upper room. 

August 2020
Being love and feeling love are not the same thing. I am free of seeking approval or love. I know that I chose this neediness. Love was overtaken by fear. I will lift out of fear so as to lift a world. I see the Christ in you. I trust the Christ in me. 

July 2020
Am I aware of what my mind is thinking right now? I don’t have to believe it. Everything that comes to me I require. Am I secure and content in who I am? Gain and loss – loss seems to be the most beneficial. The purpose of the gain is that you might benefit from the loss of it.

June 2020
Adversity is the opportunity of the soul. An opportunity to be conscious! To see the divine in everything. Consciousness is the ability to see with the eyes of God, to know and enjoy with God’s heart. What an opportunity! The loss of physical intimacy is one pain I can contribute to humanity. Life is not turning out the way I thought it would, it’s much better.  

May 2020
Let’s enjoy what we have, rather than whine about what we want. The affection and comfort I cannot receive from her, I will provide. We are more than friends, we are One. A change of relationships would do me no good when a change in perception is what is needed. What an opportunity to see the divine in this!

April 2020

Everything is as it should be … everything is God. 
Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever.
Nothing needs to change, except maybe my perception of it.
To see the divine in everything is to be in the upper room.

The denial of the divine has always been the problem. I have only one challenge – misidentification. Love is courageous and content.

March 2020
I identify with my true self, yet I love the small self. On the lower level ego is very real and active. In the upper room it is almost non-existent and the soul’s perspective takes front row. I am in this for the long haul. I want to see the divine in everything. It is the way to the upper room.

February 2020

I love myself unconditionally … and I love you too.
I love my life, especially its challenges (opportunities).
I am more than I think; and life is out to prove it, gently awaking me to who I am.
I am consciously content in this present moment.

Can I satisfy myself? If I am divine I can. I won’t blame you for my lack of satisfaction. My presence is more effectual than my works. Seeing others does more than serving them, it transforms them

January 2020
We came here to have our hearts broken open, to experience love like never before
. Conscious contentment comes from within. It is in knowing who I am. Without this contentment nothing can satisfy; with it, nothing can disappoint. This is Presence. Be at home with yourself now. 
I am not the fearful, inadequate husband that caved to the controlling wife. I am a courageous, loving friend who sees ineffable worth in her. I say YES to the release of the husband/wife relationship I have known.

Prayer and meditation 2020

December 2019
Am I free of needing/desiring … porn/masterbation? Am I able to participate in it with joy and without shame?
Our relationship is not as much fun, but it is more deeply satisfying, at least some of the time. She is loving and sacrificing at least as much as I. Someone has to give first or no one receives. 

November 2019
I am now being weaned off affection to no longer be attached or dependent upon it – I am free. What I perceive as a flaw (i.e. neediness, loneliness) is really a perfection I have chosen to learn my true nature. It might not feel like it or look like it, but it’s all love, it’s all God. It may not be the way ego wants to be loved, but it is pure love.

To fill myself with love is the most unselfish thing I can do. High quality human interaction (HQHI) is more than using the other person, it is seeing them. Am I choosing HQHI? The upper room is first and foremost a higher perspective. From this comes HQHI.

October 2019
Complain about nothing. To complain is to deny the divine in that thing. Source is  en-JOY-ing being you.
To know myself as the divine I need only release what I have thought of as myself. I am not the needy victim. It is so little to ask, why would I want to hold onto THAT?

This discomfort is not a threat. It’s a true friend. I’m bigger than the fear, the grief, etc. I need prove this to myself. I am coming to know who I am.
What if . . . every day I go to the upper room?
. . . . . . . . . . . every day I dwell on a higher floor.
. . . . . . . . . . . every day I am given a new menu and I always choose the higher good.

September 2019
Conscious release/acceptance is the dissolving of the past (conditioning) and the creating of space (for the unknown). I will acquiesce to the friendship she needs. I give up the old to gain the new. I am consciously content in what the universe has led us into.

This is a perfect world. Every day I get what I require. Thank you for loving me when I abused and abandoned you. There’s a reason why I don’t have what I want. It’s not yet time. Set aside what you want and maturity will come. 

August 2019
I release my partner from the burden of trying to meet my needs and I engage myself in this noble endeavor. It’s time I take care of my own needs. I am no longer unconscious, I am consciously content. She has always been the one to compromise to keep the relationship going. Now it’s my turn.

We are seeking the freedom in relationship where we can enjoy the other without  looking to them for emotional comfort or physical affection. I’ll continue in this difficult relationship trusting my higher self to teach me to love, embrace and integrate it. Do I really want to know myself, the unknown? It is terrifying. How much am I willing to be disturbed?

Our new relationship – it is one of more true love and freedom, rather than need and obligation. Her choice to not have sex has nothing to do with me. She CANNOT meet my ego need, but she WILL meet my true need of freedom and transformation. Only love can let her go.

July 2019
Can I be honest? Can I be myself? Honesty sets me free. Be where you are, as heartbreaking as that might be. Whatever is happening, is happening for a very good reason. I no longer have to live for you and you no longer have to live for me.

She has taken care of my needs for the majority of my life. She went thru 2 – 3 meltdowns as a result of it. Where is my gratitude? She has been the best of wives, the best of friends to me. Thank you for your endless love.

We all have this irrational feeling of separation – fear, inadequacy and pain. Many  have courageously bargained for more. A sexual relationship with a significant other is of so little import. Knowing who we are is most important. Word, I am word.

June 2019
Charged emotion: I don’t identify with it, but I do integrate it. I consciously, contentedly accept these emotions, thankful for every opportunity to love (myself), every challenge to awaken. I’m learning to love not having what I want right now. A part of me, seemingly unlovable, has been loved for the first time.

The ego is a vacuum, the soul is a fountain, both are within this body. I am always making a difference in the vibration of this planet. A dream that will need all the love you can give, every day of your life, for as long as you live… climb every mountain…

May 2019
The journey is to learn to open to love – whatever the universe has for me is best.

Giving up physical intimacy is the best gift I can offer her. I offer it today.
To have things my way would not make me any more satisfied, rather less content, less loving.
Don’t forget who you are – I am love, consciously content.

What we viewed as illness (the meltdowns) was really medicine to heal us of the greater dis-ease (attachment to this life). It’s only difficult if you haven’t let her go.  God wants me to soar, and the only reason I stay stuck on the ground is fear. Let go and let’s fly.

April 2019
I love myself, every part of me I love. I am as I should be. There is nothing I would change. All my imperfections are perfect. The divine is well pleased in me, in you and everyone. May we be as pleased with ourselves. Presence = satisfaction.

She is here to set me free, she can do no other, no more, no less. 
I now know I am a perfect Creation, love embodied. In this awareness I can live consciously content. I love myself, by spending time alone with me. 

March 2019
I desire to be authentic and vulnerable,  free from pretense, learning what I want, resting in the fact that I am already pleasing to the divine.

Free in consciousness: a mind that no longer deceives itself, accepting everything as if I chose it. 

Free from victimhood through forgiveness and gratitude. She is now free of obligation that she might set me free of insecurity.

February 2019
(breathe consciously, relax with a 😊).

I have come to bring healing and transformation to humanity. 
I am either enjoying paradise or I am healing. 
Ego is discontent: So I step aside, and step into my true self … fearless and content.

(I accept who I am, I release who I think I should be, with a 😊).

I accept what is (Shelley my friend), I release what was (Shelley my wife). I do this with a smile.
To want her to be any different than she is, is insanity. She is here to set me free!
She has been giving all along, til she can give no more. It is now my turn to give.

(breathe consciously, relax with a 😊).

A caterpillar must endure a season of isolation before it turns into a butterfly. 
Embrace the time you have alone, 
It will only make you stronger. 

(I accept what is, I release what was, with a 😊).


January 2019
When I look upon her I see the pain she endured for me.
. . . Many a grey hair and wrinkle were for me.
I have great respect for her, 36 years of love’s forebearance, and 2 years plus of love’s courage.
. . . I rest in your great love!
Her heart fills with love and appreciation for me as I endure pain for her.
. . . The love of one increases the love of the other.

(breathe consciously, relax with a 😊).

In this world of illusions nothing can satisfy the ego.
. . . The true self is already satisfied in itself (love). 
Is there more gratification in abstinence rather than indulgence?
. . . Life is not to make me happy, but to challenge me to awaken.
Ego is discontent and insane.
. . . To find contentment and sanity go within, to the soul.

(Accept what is, release what was, with a 😊).

I can allow you to be who you are
. . . without fear of you controlling me.
I don’t have to compete,
. . . I can gladly play second fiddle to whatever comes.
You don’t need to change for me to love you.
. . . You are PERFECT, you are Divine!

(breathe consciously, relax with a 😊).

Prayer and meditation 2019

December 2018

Love and only love is real. Fear is not!
I wish to see more of the opportunities of love, so I open my heart to life!
I am presently dreaming this ‘Pat’ life. I will soon wake up and see there is no need to fear, grieve or be angry about anything.

I will be patient, all fear and history are dissolving.
When I feel abandoned, excluded, inadequate, lonely or unneeded, I will recognize it for what it is. It is all past programming, a broken record, false stories, none of it is real.
There is nothing in my life I would change. I am thankful for challenges to make me go deeper within, even challenging thoughts and emotions. I am bringing consciousness into this world.

Did I dominate her with obligation and jealousy?
What I now feel in her presence, diminished and objectified, is but a small sample of what she used to feel around me (for many years). We did our very best.
May I begin to forgive you and myself for what harm we caused, and may we be lovely ego-free friends.

November 2018
I love you. You, and I and all the universe are love. We are all one.

I am grateful we no longer have sex, physical contact, or emotional comfort.
I am grateful you will not allow me to touch you or seek your comfort.
I am grateful for the distance we have put between us in seeking my freedom. 

Thank you for showing me true spirituality, all resistance must go.
I surrender again …  a little more. I look forward to missing you again today.
The ego does not like this at all, but the benefits are obvious – freedom, healing, awakening and growth.

Thank you for the gift of solitude to learn that my identity and happiness cannot be found in you,
That I am complete in myself and learning contentment from within, 
That the aim is not intimacy, but freedom in relationship.

August 2018
I am free, I am love, I AM.

July 2018
What if the worst things that ever happened to me were the greatest opportunities I have ever been given?

A breath for humanity, a pause for presence and a full surrender for all.  

June 2018
Thank you for everything, I have no complaints whatsoever. 
I am being guided perfectly
I am being loved perfectly
In this present moment there is nothing wrong. 
I have nothing to fear, face it and see. 
I am not being hurt by anyone, no one can hurt me. 
I am free. I am love. I need nothing.

  1. Know who you are
  2. Love yourself
  3. Be present
  • Accept what is, they are just feelings, they do not define you. They can effect my body, but cannot touch my inner essence. 
  • Resist nothing, release everything and realize your TS
  1. Know your passion/contribution
  • The offering of that gift—your true self—is the most you can do to love and serve the world. And it is all the world needs.

May 2018
I know who we are in truth, and who we are NOT:

  • I am Word and so are you, not who we think we are

But infinitely more – God manifest, I AM. I am everything I’ve learned and more. Everything I want to attain I already am. Ego is an unreal imaginary identity from an overstimulated nervous system.

  • I am grateful, without resentment

For all that I am and all the experiences that carry me forward in my awakening and the expression of my true self. Also that I am still on the path. 

  • I am free, absolutely free from identification with ego

From fear and judgement, attachment and aversion, history and expectations, untrue stories and thoughts. 

  • We are love (full acceptance), and I refuse to play the victim

I love you, I love everything as everything loves us. 

I love whatever arises, knowing it comes from love and invites me to love more. 

I love my life

  • I am present, not seeking something better in the past or future

Love knows best. I will give my full attention to this moment, not seeking the next. Focus on being, and the clarity of that experience. No drama, no desire for anything to be different, no emotional overlay, clear acceptance and witnessing of the moment.

  • I am a watcher, I consciously disidentify from ego

So that I can respond with conscious equanimity and avoid reacting unconsciously. I will experience the thoughts and emotions of ego, but refusing to identify with them, they are not me! This is to keep from being disturbed, swept away or controlled by them. To identify with them is to live unconsciously. Without identifying with him I love him. Watch it as a movie, not wanting to get involved, just enjoy it as it is for the entertainment. 

April 2018.
I love you and I love whatever arises. I know who I am in truth… and who I am NOT. I am Word, not who I think I am… God manifest as Pat. Ego is an unreal imaginary identity from an overstimulated nervous system.

I am present, not seeking to find something better in the past or future

Here and now is where I most want to be. As if the present is not good enough, but I will give my attention to now. 

I am grateful, not resentful of anyone

For all that the universe is doing in my life, all this I have called to myself. 

I am free, not attached to anything, not needy or clingy

Of all my ego history, fears and judgement, attachments and aversions, all untrue stories. I am complete in myself, no one can make me complete or happy. 

I am love, not a victim

Accepting of everything. Conscious, unconditional acceptance. 

I am the watcher, no longer unconsciously controlled by the thoughts and emotions of ego

Not swept away in the drama, but objectively observing the thoughts and emotions with equanimity. Keeping a space between me and ego. As much as it seems like it, as convincing as it is, that is NOT me. It’s all a part of the costume/the play. 

I love my life.

March 2018
I love you, I love whatever arises. I am Word, not who I think I am. I am present, not Seeking to find something better in the past or future. I am grateful, not resenting anyone, I am free not attached to anything, not needy or clingy. I am love, not a victim. I am the watcher, no longer unconsciously swept away by the thoughts and emotions of ego.

February 2018
I am Word, and I am present, i am grateful and I am free. I am the watcher. thank you thank you thank you 

January 2018
I am Word, through my intention to abide in the present moment and to detach from sex and from Shelley. This is for the happiness of us both! These thoughts and emotions, though not mine, are an excellent opportunity for experience. I do not hurry to get over this suffering. I accept and feel them.

Prayer and meditation 2018

December 2017
I am Word thru my body, thru my intentions, thru my vibration, and thru my knowing of myself as Word. I am Word thru Shelley, thru all I see before me. I am free (sexual desires), I am free (from fear, so I can sleep), I am free (to have a loving relationship with my wife). I am a Creator God, not ego. I am not a victim, I am love. I integrate charged emotions. I am free of fears, judgment and ego identification. I am enveloped in self love (not self pity), I am in abundance (not inadequacy), I am courageous (not cowardly), I am grateful (not resentful), I am accepting (not resisting). I am conscious, unconditional acceptance. I love my life.

November 2017
My Prayer is more love. I want to love more today then yesterday – to love myself first and foremost, and then love my neighbor as myself. And to remember, no one has put any restrictions on me but myself, and I am doing it out of love and respect for Shelley. I accept Shelley’s freedom and I have no expectations of her.

October 2017
I desire less doing and more trusting, to live from my higher self:

  1. I am here for the experience
  2. I have no investment in outcome and
  3. I explicitly trust the universe

I am so grateful to experience pain and express love (myself).

September 2017
I seek to know my true identity as Word. I am becoming undependent.

I release these boulders of codependent traits:

Unhealthy clinginess,
I do not look to her for happiness, but am getting centered in myself.
I love her without needing her.
No longer feel jealous when she befriends or wants advise from another.

Overwhelming desire for acceptance or affection,
I will just be a friend and wait for her. I am prepared to not crumble if refused.
When asked a question I will answer it honestly, not saying what I think she wants to hear.

Victim mentality
I remind myself of my divinity and how I planned this in my life. I am a courageous soul and deserve a medal for having gone thru this.
I receive ‘no’ from others without crumbling. I am a winner, not loser.

Low self worth,
When hurt by something said, I will think the best and/or discuss it with that one.

Saying ‘yes’ when I mean ‘no’
I will be my best friend, and not betray myself. I will not commit at the cost of my care.
It doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t love me. I am the most important person in my life.

Manipulation
Even if I am depressed or scared I will not use sulking to manipulate.
Prayer for Shelley, that she would know what she is in truth… Christ manifest.

August 2017
Word, I am Word. I choose to only think those thoughts that bring me peace. I do this to align to a higher consciousness with the intention to know myself as Word. Word, I am Word through my intention. Until now I have sought my fulfillment through sex, resulting only in clinginess. I intend from now on to find my worth in knowing who I am. Word I am Word. Free Shelley from all that would inhibit her from being herself and lead her to her passion.

Prayer and meditation 2017