A Near Death Experience, by Sharon Milliman (a summary by Pat Evert)
An anointed childhood – I saw God’s beauty everywhere. One deceased brother would visit and play with me when I was about four years of age. His name was Michael. My brother Michael continued to come every day for a couple of years.
The Light – My first near death experience happened at the age of thirteen. It was a love that I had never felt before and it completely enveloped every part of me. Long after I had recovered from my drowning incident, I still marvel at the beauty, warmth and deep love that came from that Light that I now know to be God.
I believe – I believe that when you can take your grief and teach it to smile, you have been given strength. The first time I met Jesus was at the age of fifteen. But as he walked closer into view, I knew He was Jesus. “What happened to you did happen. You are not crazy. I love you. I will always love you. I will never leave you. You are not alone. Don’t be scared.”
With His touch, her elbow was healed. To this day, the four women and I still talk in excited astonishment about the day we saw Jesus. Why did Jesus come to me at this time in my life? I believe that Jesus wanted to validate me when I questioned my own worth, even to the point of taking my own life. Jesus did not want this to happen; He had great plans for me. After all, I had to be important if Jesus, the Son of God, took the time to tell me, in person, that He loved me. This was the first lesson of many that I deserved the kind of love and respect that Jesus gave me. I know there is nothing that I could ever say or do, that would cause him stop loving me.
Going to heaven – It was mid-summer 2005. I felt the searing pain as the lightning entered into my right arm and passed through my body. Two men appeared who were my younger brothers who had died as babies.
The garden – So the physical body did not really matter. Thus, I was no longer concerned about my body, how it looked, or whether I fit in or not. I did not need to judge myself before a God of total love and acceptance.
Meeting Jesus, Spirit and God – “God, You made me, You are in me, so when I look in the mirror, I see You.” Although, I can easily see the beauty of God in others, it is much more difficult to see God’s beauty in myself. I find, even now, I have to remind myself that I am special and that I am beautiful. I am perfect in my imperfections. What I have to do is be happy with myself, find joy in my life, and see His beauty deep within myself.
Coming back to my body and the pink bubble – After the pain in my arm subsided, I felt better than I had ever felt in all of my life. I had so much more energy than before I was hit by the lightening. One of the things I remember was I went eleven days without sleeping. Furthermore, I felt blissfully happy. That was something new for me; I felt so alive! I felt like I was floating in a pink bubble that could never burst. That’s what I called it to myself because everything seemed to radiate with a pinkish glow. Amazingly, my new state gave me many heightened, extra-sensory abilities. I could see a beautiful colorful glow radiating from every plant, flower, tree, and animal. I also realized that even people have this lovely, colorful glow around them.
The messenger – You are the co-creators of your own destiny. You have the power to heal your earth and stop all the wars and the pain. You have the power to stop what may be coming down the line, for you are not victims of the fates that lie ahead. You decide and you create.
Gray Eagle – When the Spirit gently sweeps away the brokenness, a song can be heard that causes the heart to sing. He told me that I needed learn that these religions, these paths, are not what the Creator looks at, and evaluates. Rather, it is the person’s spirit that He sees. Thus I needed to be acceptant of all faiths and learn about them without judgment. To the Indian people, the Creator is in everything. Everything is alive with the Spirit of God. I must honor all paths, that tolerance and acceptance are very important. He said that all people are connected, we are all one nation, one family.
All one nation coming to take down the imaginary walls and boundaries that separate and divide us for fear can no longer rule the land. Mankind needs to realize that things in this world aren’t always just black and white. Man needs to see that truth is often found within the shades of gray. If you learn to see with your spiritual eyes instead of your physical eyes, you will be able to see clearer and much farther than you can possibly imagine. Everyone has their own soul colors. My colors are rainbow colors; light pink, blue, lavender, pale yellow, mint green.
Little Dove – A holy woman told me, “Remember who you are.” I no longer saw God fully in me. I had given away so much of myself just to fit in, from keeping my marriage together, to trying to make my husband happy.
Out of the pink bubble – I honestly didn’t realize how angry my husband had become until one day he announced that he was taking me to the hospital to be committed.
I am sorrow – Sorrow comes like a thief in the night and I cry out for comfort. There is such a deep sense of loss and sadness. So tired of climbing the mountain alone, feeling every human emotion, yet refusing to pass this poison on. “Ride the winds of change and you will be set free from all the chains that bind you.” My life felt like it was falling in on itself as my marriage came to a close. There was nothing that I needed to do except to “stand in peace.” This numbed state lasted about six months. When the numbness started to wear off, the tears started to flow and I didn’t think they would ever stop. I was so unhappy. My heart was shattered; the sorrow enveloped every part of my very being.
The gift – How easily, it seems, we slip back to periods of human self-absorption that disconnects us from God’s constant presence.
Visit with Jesus in the flower garden – Today is a new and wondrous beginning. You were like a caterpillar all wrapped up tight inside a cocoon but you are now emerging out as a beautiful butterfly. You will never walk alone. Just cast all your fears aside and accept your new life.
Prayer – It is love that they declare in the songs that they sing. I asked God to help me love others, as much as He loves me. God said “Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.” I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that he will guide me to do whatever I am supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I am praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know prayer changes us and we change things. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. But it does have a purpose. We can try to run from it or we can allow it to transform us in unimaginable ways. We can allow it to make us angry and bitter at God, or we can allow it to teach us how to love more fully.
Marriage and another visit with Jesus – I came back with a new awareness of the kind of love that could hold up under the weight of a real relationship. “You don’t understand. I love you and my love for you has nothing to do with what you look like.” Jesus wants a more personal relationship with all of us, one as emotionally intimate as that of a bride and bridegroom. When I remember these words, I see my husband with different eyes, and my love for him grows deeper.
A child’s promise – The butterfly emerges from its silken shell – Reborn, it arises, no longer bound to earth. Free at last, the butterfly glides to heights unknown before. So, do our loved ones find a beautiful release, as earthbound no more, they leave our sight and joyfully rise to a garden of matchless beauty, a place of light and peace. Grief is a normal process and it comes in waves. It takes time; you never get over the loss of a loved one. It is a journey and it’s a big one. Grief is an act of love.
Miracles – And when I have turned away from God in my loneliness, pain and sorrow, I find the miracle of miracles. Namely, God has not abandoned me, for He is right there still holding me and I hear Him say “I will love you forever” and my heart is healed.
Angels – They see things from a totally different perspective than I do. While I judge something as being “good” or “bad,” my angels discern events in terms of golden opportunities for healing my anger, fear, and pain. By highlighting the growth opportunities in my life, they help me transform the negative into something positive.
Fear – I felt like I had one foot here and one foot still in the spirit world. It was hard to be in both realms instead of one or the other. There are many after-affects to having had an NDE, some will likely last the rest of my life. Before my experience, fear gripped my life almost to the point of paralysis. But since my near death experience, I no longer fear death. Since my NDE, I’ve learned that fear is just wasted energy. If God’s love is ever present and ever-lasting, then there is nothing to fear in the chaos of this world.
The dark night – Some of the greatest mystics and holy people throughout the ages have endured the dark night of the soul. People, due to their limited human perspective, may view this as a terrible experience. But it is really a time for spiritual growth through self reflection and learning by trials. The dark night is a time to trust the light of Christ within even though it’s dark all around. As I reflect on all I have experienced, I realize I’m no longer spiritually a child. I know that it’s time for me to make some decisions about my life on my own. It is time for me to fully let go of all those things that hold me bound to all the things that no longer serve me. It is time to let go of those parts of me that cannot stand in the light of God and that separate me from Him. Every day is a new beginning and every day we have the chance to say “yes.” God not only gives graciously but He also takes away. He does this, not because He is a cruel and selfish God but rather, He is a loving, caring God who is helping me to empty myself of all the “things” in my life that keep me filled up. After my near death experience, I had to lose everything only to find that what had been taken away was replaced a hundred times over by God’s precious love and His deep presence in my life. One day another mountain top will come and more dark moments too. They say, it is in the valley that we grow. So, I will continue to walk my path in love with Him, living my “yes” and praising Him.
Freedom of forgiveness – I learned that forgiveness is a creative act that takes me from being a prisoner of the past with hurtful memories to a strong, loving person, living in the present that is free of the chains that kept me bound, and is now at peace. Unforgiveness feels like a heavy chain that keeps me held bound. It keeps me trapped in a place and time that only hurts me. It is a chain which causes negative feelings to grow and fester inside my heart. Holding on to past hurts can cause anger, bitterness, feelings of betrayal and a sense of abandonment or separation from the love of God. When I forgive, I am free to send unconditional love out into the world around me and I am now able to experience the natural flow of God’s divine love dissolve all the hurt, all the bitterness, all the pain and the sense of being wronged. Because I have opened my heart and have forgiven, there is no more of this illusion of separation. There are no more feelings of abandonment. God’s love healed all of it.